Sometimes, Real Life Has To Dominate and Determine The Landscape - Thats Just The Way It Is

Its December 18th 2009, and my last blog was on December 28th 2008. Well, thinking about it, I suppose its been quite a unique year; thats the best way to sum it up! This time last year I was preparing to receive a set of twins, celebrate them, breathe a sigh of relief and then continue to strive for World Domination. Life just has other plans for you doesn't it! 'Boro got relegated, my episode finally appeared on BBC Television much to everyone's surprise and most significantly of all, one of our twins was stillborn.

The death of Grace Amelia on January 8th has resonated through 2009, and as a result, true rational thought processing has been near impossible. Its not all doom and gloom though because Alice Lydia was born at 34 weeks strong, healthy and very beautiful. Big sister Lucy aged 3 (nearly 4), Alice and my wife Anne-Marie really have become my world. Everything else has been pushed into a distant second place; that's quite powerful seeing that written down in print!

To cut a long story short, the twins were born in the early hours of Thursday 8th January at 3.13am (Grace) and 3;15am (Alice) respectively. It was obvious that there were problems with Grace, when your wife is a Paedeatric Nurse, she understands the terminology around the operating table, and just knew! Having a beautiful baby like Alice to is after an intense tragedy like that was the greatest pick-me-up I could ever ask for - she was and is calm, unflustered and delightful!

At this point, I must add that I have since met many many people who have lost a baby, and in some cases more than one, and they had to leave the labour or maternity ward with nothing to cuddle, except those new baby clothes that were going to clothe their new arrival. I truly understand how devastating that now feels, I DID have a birth to celebrate, despite the despair of our loss; it was after all the straw that I held onto, tenuous as it may have been.

Then just as we were getting back to 'normality', Anne-Marie had a twinge in her stomach, and back into hospital we went - three times...with baby Alice in-tow! Eventually, she had her Gall Bladder removed, but we had to cancel Grace's funeral and notify huge numbers THREE times before laying Grace to rest. It was now March!

So, I officially resumed my Professional work in mid-March. I did perform at some engagements during the critical period, which was extremely therapeutic for my assimilation back into the super highway of normal everyday life. I owe huge thanks to the families of all those event organisers especially my brides and grooms - who still wanted a memorable day with me central to it, but displayed tremendous human understanding at such a monumental time for themselves.

Back in the groove in my regular working life, as a Pianist and a Piano Teacher, everyone was deeply affected by our experiences. I have been fascinated more by how people have side-stepped the subject of the twins by bringing up everything except the obvious, than those who have taken time out to acknowledge the episode in our lives; and its significance.

Easter came very quickly and with it the realisation that my beloved Cobblers were slipping into the relegation mire, Middlesbrough were there all season! Somehow they I believed that they would both just click into a nice fast gear and cruise out of trouble. That time never came! Even with my presence at St James Park for the big derby, I could not rouse them. Sadly both teams suffered the inevitable, both lost their managers too and both are STILL in trouble. I still have been nowhere near either the Riverside or Sixfields grounds to watch them; that will be put right during the coming weeks.

Work, work, work! Once I had sat down and really thought about what was happening and what I was going to do this year it was May! The telephone seemed not to be ringing quite as much as it did last year. Had I truly under-estimated how much preparation and strategic planning I normally did and missed out due the events of Jan, Feb and March. I brainstormed with many wise and informed personnel that work so hard behind the scenes of 'Team Lincoln'. My conclusions were and still are that this recession really is have a devastating effect on EVERYONE.

Provincially, I am still one of the busiest jobbing Pianists out there for lots of reasons, the main one of course is that I am better than the others! But I have never stopped examining the detail of every job I take, whether as a soloist, accompanist or with the trio. But, the way things are being done is changing, and as a result, apart from my own family dynamics changing, I am having to be flexible about what I really want and what I am prepared to do.

Sitting here sharing my innermost thoughts on this Blog and occasionally reading paragraphs back to Anne-Marie, we have concluded that despite the challenges we have faced, we are comfortable with being the people that we are, and things that we stand for. I am very proud of that!

I need to go and get the suits ready for a night at the Cartwright Hotel Restaurant and then a Concert tomorrow at St Lawrence's Church in Towcester where I will talk all round my generous face, play some tunes and have loads of fun with a live audience. Then some nonsense with my mate Billingham and our Duston mates then its feet up with a few cameos at 'The Dog & Gun' in Walton and New Year's Eve at the 'Boat Inn', Stoke Bruerne AGAIN (Same Money as the last 6 years! C'mon lads have a word!!!). Then I lie low till mid-January and sort the Cobblers and the 'Boro then its 2010 rolling on for real!

Happy Christmas and Have a great 2010!! Expect the unexpected and Celebrate whatever turns up, Life just isn't a dress rehearsal...

The last time I wrote anything here, Christmas had just passed; now we have just celebrated Easter. For the first time in my adult life, I can actually say that I celebrated and enjoyed the Easter period in that complete way that leaves one feeling fulfilled, energized and content. The Easter fortnight has been very different, but then 2009 so far has been unlike anything imaginable. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself, lets start at the beginning.

In early January, Anne-Marie gave birth to our twins; but sadly Grace was stillborn. Alice is alive, strong, healthy...and beautiful. The whole month was spent gently mourning and preparing for her funeral and the post mortem. Then on 28th January, two days before the funeral, Anne-Marie was in hospital, jaundiced and complaining of stomach pains.

February was a month of total disruption for all of us. In and out of hospital with a baby only weeks old, still breastfeeding who was still technically premature and had lost her identical twin sister, tearful big sister Lucy having to stay with our resourceful mother-in-law who, of course, was grieving too. Anne-Marie finally had the gall bladder removed by key-hole surgery, then some convalescence at the mother-in-law. I, meanwhile began to tentatively rejoin the fast track that is the real world. That's not to say that I wasn't alreading busy contacting people to keep them abreast of developments so they could attempt to attend one of the many cancelled funeral dates! Or simply empathize with us, once they had themselves made some sort of sense of the whole episode. On 23rd February, 24 days later than planned, Grace was laid to rest and I gave an address at the service at Victoria Road Congregational Church, Northampton. That day was both sad and beautiful at the same time for Anne-Marie, Lucy, Alice and I.

March has been a blur of shared emotions with everyone in our world. Many people have felt the need to tangibly acknowledge our experience in numerous ways and it has been wonderful, interesting and enlightening. I have never felt the power of prayer so strongly in my life, my faith has become stronger. But the real world that waited patiently was now making its regular requests. I played three Weddings in February and four in March, plus other great events too; the most memorable being when I played the 'England's Rose March Past' for General Sir Richard Dunnett at the Civic Chairman's dinner.

We are now working quickly through April, Easter is past. But the experiences of 2009 have made me treasure my family unit both immediate and extended. On Easter Saturday I was proud to take part in the Wedding celebrations of my former student Claire who married Mark; at a time when I have reflected greatly on many things, I AM proud that I am and have been a Piano teacher to so many wonderful students. She will return to her new life in Humberside and know true happiness.

The sun has peeped out occasionally as a warning that days of record temperatures, water shortages or dehydrated school children and all the other nonsense that usually gets trumped out annually for summer plus a Wimbledon fortnight is on its way. Me, now that my three girls are in the regular groove, I will entertain countless Wedding Guests, kiss numerous Brides, mothers and Bridesmaids